Smell you later

So for the last week or so there's been a very strong, very unpleasant smell that seems to hang outside the door to my flat.

I live on the first floor, so there's a stairwell, and the hall downstairs smells maybe a bit musty, but then as you get close to our door. WHOA! What's that?

Now, we've had a few bags of clothes outside to take to the charity shop and a box of old magazines for recycling just sort of hanging about. I thought I'd tidy them to try and discover what the smell was. Biggest worry from the girls was that something had crawled into my old pants and died. Not entirely impossible.

But it's not coming from there. I checked. I tidied everything away and the smell was not tidied with it. I gave up searching and decided it was just the floor. Get me some Febreze, Butler!

Then this morning I decided to have another look. And I discovered just exactly what was causing it.

It's coming from the flat upstairs. Now, the flat upstairs has been unoccupied since we moved in about 4 months ago. We never have call to venture up there, and indeed until yesterday the stairs have been blocked by clothes and stuff for recycling. But this monring I got curious and went up to have a look to see if something had run up and died at the top of the stairs.

I ventured up, the smell got more potent and disgusting. The air up there barely circulates, so my huge frame stirred it up nice and good and I was enveloped in the rancid stench.

I discovered the door of the flat was wide open (and the mortice has been set so it can't shut). The smell was coing from inside. It took about five minutes to find. I just followed my nose. Well, actually I just moved around to see which part of the empty flat gave me the most reason to throw up. I thought it was the fridge, but that was stuck half open and was only midly smelly. The owner will have to replace that I'm sure. I thought it was the fridge because maybe the power had been cut for non-payment and it was just a bit smelly. In fact I think the gas and electricty have been both been cut off.

The water definitely has.

How do I know? Because I found the source of that ghastly smell in the bathroom.

Believe me - it was gag-tastic. The water has been cut off. There's no water in the toilet bowl.

And the toilet bowl isn't clean.

That's what the smell was. Months old, rotting feacal streaks in a dry and unsanitised toilet bowl.

Butler! Pass me the bleach!