House Of Random

Friday, December 10, 2004


Ok. I am a grubby boy. This is true. And is eptimised by my ability to commit amazing faux-pas at the most inoportune times. Like on a date.

I went to see Shrek 2 a while ago. I went with this really awesome girl, and it was a wicked date. We were getting on well, and Shrek 2 is a great movie, really funny and cute. Great date movie. So we're there, we're getting a bit cosy. It's all great. Great great great.

Ah-choo! A sneeze, luckily caught by my hand, turned away from her, so we're all fine. Movie carries on... then I feel an urge to be affectionate, it's kinda "that time" in the movie. Reaching over, I take my new love's hand, caress it and hold it gently to my lips to kiss it.

Her recoil was unexpected! I was like "Oh no! she doesn't like me! Too forward! Hope I haven't ruined it!"

Apparently the gesture was actually really sweet. Smearing the gooey, sticky contents of my snot-blasted hand all over her delicate palms was the bit she found disagreeable.


Yes. a grubby boy. But what a funny story - if only because we're still together. My sister and I were out, young London style recently, catching a movie. She hadn't heard this grande idiocy, and I knew she would giggle. We chatted on the way home from our movie and I regailed her with the humourous tale. I gesticulate quite vigorously when I recount my stories, and as such I re-enacted the moment for her.

Raising my hands to demonstrate what I had done led to a shock. My hands were green. Not green as in "a bit pale", but full on, bright shiny green. My face must have been a picture. Sis lost her cool and spat laughing at my hand. I was dumbfounded, there I was telling this story about snotty hands and I had this green crazy shaky messy mitten... It took ages to work out what the hell had caused it... turned out I had been rubbing my Odeon ticked absent mindedly and it had emptied it's colouring all over me.

Now, this all raised a question. It went from ticket to hand quite easily. Did it come off my hand? No. Not for ages. Typing at work with gloves on is tricker than you think.

I'm sure if you look at my hand now and squint a bit it still looks green. Serves me right really, my hair took 3 years to get over the time I died it with Green food colouring.

What? You try being a 15 yr old boy and wanting to buy L'Oreal... you can't: the peer pressure is intolerable. Mum's cupboard hides lots of alternatives!

Like I said: grubby boy. Only now I'm a green-grubby boy. Shrek? Eat you little green heart out.


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Words, thoughts, dreams & ideas, dirtySi, London, UK, from the year 2005 onward